Answers in Faith ~~ Implementing Your Love Language

Amidst the season of gift giving, is receiving gifts your love language?  Do you happen to know your love language?  It took me awhile to discover mine, and believe it or not, it was through adverse circumstances that I fully recognized it!

Here's a great website link for more information on this vital subject: 

http://www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage/communication-and-conflict/learn-to-speak-your-spouses-love-language/understanding-the-five-love-languages

The following quote from the Focus on the Family article best describes my love language, i.e., Words of affirmation:

"One way to express love emotionally is to use words that build up.  Solomon, author of ancient Hebrew Wisdom Literature, wrote, 'The tongue has the power of life and death' (Proverbs 18:21, NIV).  Many couples have never learned the tremendous power of verbally affirming one another.

"Verbal compliments, or words of appreciation, are powerful communicators of love.  They are best expressed in simple, straightforward statements of affirmation, such as:

'You look sharp in that suit.'
'Do you every look incredible in that dress!  Wow!'
'I really like how you're always on time to pick me up at work.'
'You can always make me laugh.' "

As I previously mentioned, when someone hurled a cutting word my way, it bothered me greatly and diminished my creativity.  Conversely, as an example, when I would bake something special for my family, my husband would say, "Wow, that looks like it belongs in Sunset magazine!"  The compliments made me flourish and have remained as jewels in my heart.  

Now you might comment, "Well, no one likes to be ridiculed or verbally attacked." Agreed, but when God has created us with our specific love language, assaults thereon deplete our reservoirs of creativity and the ability to function in our given language.

The five love languages are not solely for couples.  Since they are resident within each one of us, they are to be exercised and lavished upon our children, grandchildren, co-workers, neighbors, or whomever.  

If you're unsure of your language, there are online quizzes that you can take to discover yours!

I decided to exercise my love language toward my youngest grand kiddos this year when specifically selecting the above words of affirmation for them.  I typed their first and middle names and using the first letter of each name, I blessed them with words that will still be inside their spirits as well as their picture frames for many years to come.

For those of you who have read my book titled Stirrings of The Spirit, you are very familiar with why these grandchildren are such special treasures since God miraculously spared their mother's life twenty-five years ago.

I hope you don't mind the extra-large picture in this post as I wanted to convey the full context of my message.

Plan to bless someone by discovering and implementing your love language. You're sure to make this world a better place if you do!

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Real Women - Real Answers: Make Eye Contact!

Am I putting too much stock into what others are saying to me? Surely they meant something by that gesture. She cleared her throat. Was that an eye roll?  What is the motive behind their kindness?  This is not leading into an article on conspiracy theories. However, as a woman, I feel a bit paranoid about what others are thinking about me at times. 

Women are emotional beings and we tend to hold onto every little thing and over analyze it. Recently, I saw this post: "Admire someone else's beauty without questioning your own."   Comparing ourselves to others is a trap that is so easy to fall into, but a very difficult one to climb out of on our own. We want to be pretty, smart, and talented.  We want others to take notice.  We admire these qualities in other women, but may have a tough time stopping at that. Instead we criticize ourselves for not having those same characteristics. This is an open door for the enemy to start whispering in our ears that we have nothing to offer.   

Here is one thing that I learned many years ago:  most women who seem extremely sure of themselves are actually very insecure.  I have met women who appear overly confident, some who could be professional comedians, and others who could be on the cover of a magazine. When I have taken the time to look these women in the eyes and get to know them, I realize very quickly they are wearing masks.  

Making people laugh, I learned, was their defense mechanism. The false confidence I was seeing in other women turned out to be a wall they had built to keep others out.   The women who were always looking in the mirror or taking multiple selfies everyday were not conceited and stuck on themselves. They didn't like the way they looked at all and constantly wanted to be reassured that they did look okay, but all they could see were their flaws. (There is actually a term for this: body dysmorphic disorder). 

My point is that there are so many hurting women out there.  If we could slow down from our busy days and take the time to look someone in the eye, how much healing could be done! We could get to know those around us on such deeper levels, enabling us to encourage each other instead of comparing ourselves to each other. I saw another post recently that I love. It said, "On the darkest days, when I feel inadequate, unloved and unworthy, I remember Whose daughter I am and I straighten my crown."  Remember Who created you. The Bible tells us that we are fearfully and wonderfully made. Claim that and live like it!  

Take the time to tell someone how beautiful they are.  Chances are they need to hear it. For those that are always cracking jokes, slow down, open up and give them an opportunity to be transparent with you. For those women whose talents seem to stand out above the rest, comment on how you admire them for what they do.  The reality is that they are probably wearing themselves out trying to meet a standard they have been told they are not good enough to achieve. 

In doing this, however, do not let it in any way ricochet and make you feel less than. We have all been created for a purpose. Be assured of who you are and what you have to offer. I have learned to see relationships as a tag team situation. I have taken the time to discover the gifts that my friends have. Now if someone comes to me needing something that I cannot fulfill, I have a wealth of resources to which I can point people.  There have been people directed to me as well for the same reason.  

Instead of getting jealous of the gifts of others and falling into the self-pity trap, we can work together. Get to know the people around you so that you understand what they have to offer and what resource category they can fill for you.   Learn to appreciate their gifts and learn to recognize your own.  Learn to look people in the eye. You never know when they might let you SEE them. 

Contributed by JoEllen Claypool

JoEllen Claypool is the author of The Secrets Behind the Eyes, A Realist's Guide to Being a Pastor's Wife, Realistic Tips to Being a Pastor's Wife, Are You on the Verge of a Spiritual Heart Attack?, and a contributing author of the Eclectic Collage Volumes 2, 3, and 4.  She serves in the ministry with her husband who pastors a small country church in Caldwell, Idaho. Understanding the impact that one person can make, JoEllen is eager to reach out and encourage others to make right choices so that lives can be saved.  Check out JoEllen's blog posts: Making the Most of Every Opportunity 

Happy Reading as you search for real answers to real life issues!  

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Winning Wednesday: A Turkey Baster Builds Confidence

I like to assign an empowering adjective to each day of the week.  Read on to find out how this handy dandy kitchen gadget helped me to conquer one of my greatest fears.

We are not born with confidence.  We have to build it.

Do you believe that you can do something well or succeed at something?  Great!  Everyone is proficient in at least one thing as we have all been given gifts and talents. Those are easier to recognize and identify as opposed to our aspirations which can present far more of a challenge.

Since writing and public speaking often go together, I desired to break the barrier that I had constructed around myself in order to address others in a public setting.

A barrier prevents movement or access.  It is also a circumstance or obstacle that keeps people or things apart or prevents communication.  Well, since I was focused upon communication, this barrier surely had to go.  I envisioned myself being wrapped inside tightly constructed netting.  So, how could I break free to accomplish my goal?

Believe it or not, I rounded up a couple of kitchen helpers (not the human variety) to assist me.  Allow me to introduce them to you:

                                                           

Suddenly, I realized that I would need an audience of sorts.  I walked into our living room, stacked four white banker’s boxes on top of each other which served as my pretend podium, (at this point you’ve probably been able to discern that I am not overly tall), turned the timer to the right according to the required minutes, picked up my “turkey baster microphone,” and began to speak.  Child’s play you may say!  Granted, this could be considered so by some critics, but it definitely worked as baby steps for me.

Each time I implemented this humble procedure, it was as if I was using my kitchen shears to help the netting disappear.  The inanimate objects, i.e., my couch, old writing desk, rocking chair, were beyond helpful as they did not have the ability to boo, hiss, form disapproving facial expressions, yawn, fall asleep, and who knows what else in order to discourage me.

Next I graduated to my lovely 32 x 21 inch mirror, mirror on the wall in our entryway so that I could view myself when I spoke, especially if there were passages in my messages in which I wanted to insert more emotion.

Thankfully, my initial human audiences were smaller to help me gain self-confidence as time went on prior to me being invited to speak to larger gatherings of people.

Today I can proudly say that I was able to conquer one of my greatest self-imposed fears, all with the help of a little bit of this and that at my fingertips.

Suffice it to say, there have been a plethora of books written by a myriad of authors on countless ways in which to help ourselves build confidence.  Sure, we can partake of those which can be of great benefit, but there comes a point at which we must implement what we have read and/or studied.

I did not spend a whole lot of time studying the art of public speaking and the steps I implemented would probably not have been previously published in a book somewhere, but now they will be via my blog!  I am so excited to share this information with you.

I would love to hear back from you if there are areas of your life in which you initially lacked confidence, but were able to achieve the breakthrough, and add another rung to your success ladder.

A quitter never wins and a winner never quits.

Happy Reading, Writing & Speaking!

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